Captain’s Log: 2042.492043.0.1 

I am extremely anal about my money. It’s bordering on obsessive compulsive, which is probably a good thing considering I used to be terrible with money.

Basically, I don’t use cash. I hate cash. It’s implausible for me to track my spending with cash… Impossible, really. I spent nearly $1k in Europe and I blame it on the freaking Europeans’ tendency to use cash. So I use credit for everything. Everything. Ev-er-e-thang.

Here’s how anal I am about my cash balances…

I have 2 checking accounts and a savings account. For all intents and purposes, my savings account doesn’t exist. It’s this magical place that grows over time and I am not allowed to visit it unless I have a damn good reason. I never have a damn good reason though, unless there’s a major life event (moving, car, crack-addiction, etc).

As for my checking, my 2 accounts are used for 1) spare emergency cash should I find myself needing it and 2) bill paying. Whenever I get a paycheck, I calculate to the penny how much each account should be divvied. When all is said and done, I have $100 emergency cash available in one account and $25 in excess of how much my bills will run me in the other. The rest of my paycheck is divvied to my savings and credit cards.

So at any given time, I have a spare cash reserve of exactly $125 in my checking accounts. The balance may be higher, as bills may be unpaid at that time, but I know for certain that only $125 is available to me. Period. And, I don’t spend this money. Just like my savings, I act like this money doesn’t exist.

Last week I drunkenly wrote a check for $125 to pay for a beach trip in May. I knew it was coming, but this morning I remembered that I actually wrote it. So I shifted money. But, mind you, I only keep $125 spare in my account.

For the first time ever, I expect both of my accounts to drop to EXACTLY a $0 balance. I want to screen shot it, because it’s like a bigfoot, or a second season of Firefly, and will probably never happen again.

I kind of want to visit Bank of America at that time and ask them what my balances are. I feel it would make a teller more uncomfortable than it would make me… Because, the best part of this is that although my accounts will be $0, I am not afraid in the tiniest bit that I might overdraft.




Because I’m anal.
Like, extremely so.

Truthful Tuesday, Back to the Future

I reworked my Mint budgets today, for the 4th time since I bought a car and moved into a more expensive house. My last 3 reworks didn’t serve me much good and I’ve been overspending for about 6 months now.

I’m a very money-conscious person, in every positive and negative sense of that term. I’m not above shady moves to make an easy dollar or get something for a low price, but I’m also not below savings and thinking about the future. So, continuously overspending hundreds of dollars over my monthly income for 6 months straight has been absolutely grinding on me. Thank god for credit, right?

Anyway, I kicked into budget overdrive today. No more spending outside of my budget without doing something to replace that overspending.

Back to the drawing board scheming.

I just gave State Employees Credit Union $1,000.

In return, they gave me a $1,000 loan. I have 1 year to pay the loan back, plus $27 interest. My monthly payments are $86, which are automatically drafted out of the account with my original $1,000 in it.

So, I just gave SECU money, so that they would give me money, so that I can pay them back with their own money, so that I can have my original money back. 

It’s so retarded… And yet it looks fucking FANTASTIC on your credit report and ultimately, that’s all I care about.